


You are my haven

by Tchell1



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Fluff, M/M, Snake!Crowley - Freeform, bit of angst, stupid and in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-16 02:47:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19309066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tchell1/pseuds/Tchell1
Summary: Sometimes, everything became too much. Sometimes, the bad, the good, the ineffable plan, the miracles, the job, his feelings, his pain, his happiness, all of it just became too much. It was overwhelming. It pulled Crowley in so many different directions and he just couldn’t cope. Crowley was not made to feel so many emotions at the same time.





	You are my haven

Crowley had never been a perfect demon. He asked too many questions, he enjoyed life too much, he relished humanity and its little quirks and big imagination. He loved and hated and lived.

He was made of contrasts and clashing forces: His limitations for being a demon, his admiration for an angel, his passion for the time spent together, his ache for never being worthy of Aziraphale.

And sometimes, everything became too much. Sometimes, the bad, the good, the ineffable plan, the miracles, the job, his feelings, his pain, his happiness, all of it just became too much. It was overwhelming, it pulled him in so many different directions and Crowley just couldn’t cope. He was not made to feel so many emotions at the same time.

And he would just… go back to his primary form. He would shift into the snake he tried so hard not to be and would curl around one of his so many plants, in his secluded garden, in his very big and very empty apartment and wait for his brain to sort itself out. And he would wait and suffer silently until he could breathe again.

Sometimes, it could take years for him to surface back. He spent most of the XIX century as a snake trying to cope with his and Aziraphale’s fall out. To this day, the angel still thought Crowley was sleeping the entire time. It was for the best, Crowley figured.

This time, what caused his retreat was the non- apocalypse. It was just too much, Crowley almost lost everything he held dear. He almost lost his flat, his car, his plants, his humans. He almost lost his angel. He was exhausted, he wanted to cling to Aziraphale and never let go. He wanted to shout at Heaven and Hell for all they’ve made him go through. He wanted God to explain themselves. Crowley had so many questions and zero answers. He wanted retreat.

Crowley could not go to Aziraphale, although everything in him wanted to. Aziraphale was soft, perfect and kind and everything Crowley ached to be. He was also an Angel and he was a demon. He had the angel’s affection and the diners, and the drunk conversation and it was enough. He was a demon, he went too fast, he was not what Aziraphale wanted.

So, retreated back into his empty flat, shifting into a snake and curling around one of his plants and waited for the cacophony of emotions to pass. He figured it would take a few decades for it.  
___***___

Aziraphale had not heard from Crowley. It had been three days since the last time he saw Crowley and Aziraphale was worried.

The demon had looked not so good the last time Aziraphale had seen him; his eyes were a dull yellow color, his skin seemed too thin, his walk too heavy. Crowley looked exactly as Aziraphale had felt after everything finally ended, when they were free from both Heaven and Hell.

Crowley had looked at Aziraphale with sad, tired eyes, had murmured something about going to sleep and had never showed up again.

Aziraphale tried calling with no luck. He was worried. Crowley tended to retreat into himself when things got to be too much.

Well, Crowley’s flat was a miracle away and Aziraphale would not allow his demon to suffer alone. In a blink he was outside Crowley’s flat. He knocked and waited and knocked again. No one came to open the door. With a shrug and another miracle, Aziraphale opened Crowley’s flat.

The flat was quiet, there was no sign of Crowley anywhere. Not in what Crowley insisted to call a living room, with the enormous throne and a table, not in his bedroom with his even more enormous bed and not in his plant room.

Aziraphale frowned, taking another look around. Crowley was nowhere to be found.

Before the panic could fully settle in, Aziraphale’s eyes reached the bottom of a dracaena, and his human heart (as traitorous as it had always been), skipped a beat. There was a beautiful black snake tightly curled at the bottom of the plant, eyes shut and body shivering slightly.

“Oh, dear”, Aziraphale said, slowly sinking until his hands could reach his demon.

___***___

The snake’s eyes opened as soon as Aziraphale touched him. The hiss that followed was not a surprise at all. What was a surprise was the anguish on those lovely yellow eyes when they blinked guiltily at Aziraphale.

“Oh, my dear” Aziraphale said again, his hand carefully caressing the snake that, aside from blinking at him, did nothing else.

Aziraphale sighted and sat on the ground beside the dracaena, getting himself comfortable. His had never left Crowley. The snake kept quiet.

“Do you want to talk?” Aziraphale asked in a soft voice. And got silence for an answer. “All right.” He kept going, with a snap of his fingers, he miracle a book in his lap. With his other hand, he opened it and stared reading. “I’ll be here, when you feel like coming back.”

The snake closed his eyes again and hid his small face into his body. Aziraphale never stopped touching him.

It took the total amount of fifteen hours, but finally, the snaked moved from the plant to Aziraphale’s lap, crawling slowly and hesitantly. Aziraphale stayed put, allowing Crowley to move as he pleased. Once Crowley was fully curled on his lap, Aziraphale felt his demon relax. Finally, Crowley was sleeping.

They spent another 24hours like that.

___***___

Aziraphale felt the snake moving again. He looked down, at the beautiful black color Crowley had and smiled softly.

“Are you ready to come back to me, my dear?”

The snake blinked owlish at him, still not saying anything.

“You could spend your hours with me, you know. You don’t have to be by yourself.” Aziraphale’s hand started caressing the snake again, the rhythm slow, smooth and continuous.

Crowley kept quiet. Aziraphale sighed.

“It hurts me when you hurt” he tried again. “You have me, now. You’ve always had me actually” Aziraphale emended as an after thought “I just… could not accept it before” he kept going with a small depreciating smile. The snake’s eyes had deviated to him. “Now- now you must know, right, that I’d would never reject you? Right?”

The snake uncurled a little from his spot in Aziraphale’s lap, his eyes confused. His tongue made an appearance, touching Aziraphale’s hand delicately. Aziraphale smiled.

“That’s right. That’s me, my love.” He said in a soft voice. “Do you want to maybe try and shift back into human form?” Aziraphale risked.

The snake shook his head slowly. Crowley had yet to say any word.

Aziraphale nodded in understanding.

“Ok. Let’s- let’s stay like this for a while more, then.” Aziraphale snapped his fingers again and another book appeared in his hand “I’ll think I’ll read another book, while we both wait it out.”

___***___

Crowley felt safe. He was warm and relaxed and Aziraphale’s love was all around him. He could few the angel’s power everywhere.

Never, even in his wildest dreams (and Crowley had a lot of those, he had an imagination, after all), Crowley could have dreamed a place as secure and warm as Aziraphale’s lap. He felt cherished in there, like no where else. Aziraphale’s hand never stopped touching him.

Slowly, so excruciating slowly, his turbulent thoughts started re-organizing themselves into his mind. The ache was not was heavy as it was in the beginning and the puzzlement was not as indecipherable as Crowley had thought. He looked up and found adorable blue eyes staring back at him with love and acceptance.

For the first time, Aziraphale was looking at him without his perpetual aura of remorse. The look the angel was giving him was carefree.

Crowley ached to touch him, which hands and mouth. He wanted to feel as close to Aziraphale as he could.

“Ready to come back?” Aziraphale asked in his so soft voice. Crowley loved him with all his demonic heart.

Without any conscious thought, Crowley felt himself shifting back into human form, his body growing and limbs appearing. Aziraphale never took his eyes from Crowley, his hands never left Crowley’s body.

And finally, Crowley was back, his body all over Aziraphale’s, who seemed very happy to have a full-grown demon on his lap. Aziraphale’s easy smile never left his face.

“There you are, my love”

Crowley blinked back at him.

“I’m not your love” was the first thing Crowley said.

Aziraphale snorted. His hand moved up, reaching Crowley’s cheek, his fingers going through Crowley’s red hair.

“You very much are.”

And to Crowley’s astonishment, Aziraphale pulled him into a tight hug, white wings engulfing Crowley. He the wings touching his back, enveloping him in a cocoon of love. It felt very much like lying in Aziraphale’s lap.

“Oh” Crowley said. Every last interaction with Aziraphale passed through his mind again, especially the latter ones, after the almost Armageddon. It seemed Crowley had missed his angel deciding Crowley did not went too fast for him.

“Oh” he repeated.

Crowley closed his eyes tightly and hugged Aziraphale’s back. He felt so secure. He had never felt as secure anywhere else in the entire universe. Aziraphale was and had always been his haven.

“I’m sorry.” Crowley whispered. “Sometimes… sometimes everything just gets… too much.” He tried explaining.

Aziraphale nodded, his face turned a bit and Crowley felt a kiss on the side of his head.

“I know, love, I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> written for this prompt at the tadfield advertiser:  
> Sometime between Eden and the Non-Apocalypse, Crowley is in a really bad way and hides out in snake form in the wildnerness to escape his responsibilities. Aziraphale gently coaxes him back into human form. (Bonus points if Crowley refuses to be bribed/tempted and really needs some reassurance.)
> 
> here: https://tadfield-advertiser.dreamwidth.org/517.html?thread=44805#cmt44805


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